I write weird comedy, horror, and sci fi.
Tue, 22 Jan 2019 15:37:57 GMT
Henry Henler was born without a tongue. Because of his differently-abledness people automatically paid extra attention to his mouth. This made Henry self-conscious about his mouth, and so he took extra care of his teeth. He got braces to straighten them as a child, had his wisdom teeth pulled as a young man, and visited the dentist thrice per year throughout the whole of his life. He refused to eat sweets, never had a cavity, brushed and flossed vigorously, and always carried toothpicks just in case. Later in life he was known to carry a dental pick and mirror in his pocket.
Lacking a tongue, his pristine mouth was like a beautifully cared-for palace utterly devoid of occupants. Some un-haunted haunted house, hauntingly un-haunted, as if the mouth were haunting itself.
He was brutally murdered at a carnival when a posse of freaks escaped from their pens. The abuse they'd suffered under the cruel whip and crueler tongue of their master had warped their psyches even worse than genetic abnormalities had warped their hideous bodies. They chewed a hole in the wooden roof to gain their freedom, and became so emotionally overwhelmed by their unrestricted proximity to so many people, and so frightened at the prospect of recapture, that the freaks descended into an animal frenzy and violently assaulted passersby. Henry was just one unlucky man who stood between the freaks and the open plains that lay beyond the carnival grounds. They ripped off his arms, smashed his head against the ground, and threw him into the haunted house to slowly bleed to death in public where people thought he was just part of the display.
We acquired his toothbrush at an auction in South Carolina, and it's available now for $37.55 CAD.
More entries at my LiveJournal Blog.
I got rid of those carousel sliders. As sliders go they were pretty cool, but even the best sliders are an eyesore, so I got rid of the fuckers so the site can be a better place for people's eyes.
So this is pATTmAYNE.com 4.2, slider-free since 2018
The Society of Misfits series of anthologies has accepted my short horror story, A Gift in the Mirror. They'll release it on October 23 of 2018. So, thanks to Bards and Sages Publishing for accepting me into their lair.
The Society of Misfits
I wrote a disturbing and offensive short story about a lifeguard who... oversteps his authority and the laws of nature. Apparently the fine folks at Hellbound Books are into that kind of thing because they're publishing it in their collection of erotic horror: Depraved Desires 2. As of August 4, 2017, this collection will be available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats.
Non-Fiction on UltraCulture.org:
Non-Fiction on NickelSteak (defunt online magazine):
Science Lessons: Hazardous Mutations (2012)
Science Lessons: Quantum Nonsense (2012)
Stuff I might email you:
FETISHES...hypocrisy/Fabergé eggs (or any jeweled egg)
FAVOURITE WINTER SPORTS...skiing/shoveling
POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS...Radical Chronodyke/Millenarianistic Chronodyke
FAVOURITE PILLS...speed/microdoses of mushrooms/digestive enzymes
RELIGION...at the end of time, time begins, and flows backwards toward the horror of infinitely compressing "big bang" (AKA big crush where we are all one, squeezed together, elbow-to-elbow, really uncomfortable and socially awkward)(this is why we can never know anything, because our minds our backwards, like the stitching on the back of a decorative patch, and the pre-sensory ingredients for consciousness, the responsive living universe, is utterly alien in its proper time direction, and we are alone, and it doesn't even know we exist)
MARITAL STATUS...see "PETS"
PREFERRED TRANSDUCTION PARADIGM...bifurcated oblidisk gyration schema