The Profit (Go Help Yourself Series)



These short fables by self-proclaimed guru Matt Payne describe how we can all transform our lives by earning more profits. The fancy language and amoral tone will delight even the baddest of financial investors.

Part of the "Go Help Yourself" series of self-help books. With this series you get:

  • -Savagely Helpful
  • -"Telling it like it is"
  • -Step-by-step instructions for a better life
  • -No Refunds


Styles & Genres: self-help, satire

Released: July 2016


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About Me:

SPECIES...human

GENDER...male

CLASS...anarcho sex-bot

MODUS...schizoid

ALLERGIES...categorization

FETISHES...hypocrisy/Fabergé eggs (or any jeweled egg)

FAVOURITE WINTER SPORTS...skiing/shoveling

POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS...Radical Chronodyke/Millenarianistic Chronodyke

LIQUOR LICENSE...pending

FAVOURITE PILLS...speed/microdoses of mushrooms/digestive enzymes

RELIGION...at the end of time, time begins, and flows backwards toward the horror of infinitely compressing "big bang" (AKA big crush where we are all one, squeezed together, elbow-to-elbow, really uncomfortable and socially awkward)(this is why we can never know anything, because our minds our backwards, like the stitching on the back of a decorative patch, and the pre-sensory ingredients for consciousness, the responsive living universe, is utterly alien in its proper time direction, and we are alone, and it doesn't even know we exist)

PETS...cats

MARITAL STATUS...see "PETS"

LANGUAGES SPOKEN...javascript/klingon

PREFERRED TRANSDUCTION PARADIGM...bifurcated oblidisk gyration schema

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